Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
