dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
