so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
