Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
