After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
