His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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