Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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