ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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