I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
