You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
