you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
