You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
