Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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