Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
