Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
