Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
