dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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