The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
