my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
