I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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