he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I touched a dick in church today
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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