I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
