I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
