hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I need to align my fucking chakras
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
