capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
we're so committed to being not committed
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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