Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
