you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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