hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize