we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
