dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
