i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
