1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
