How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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