Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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