Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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