I molested 6 butterflies tonight
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
