I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
