If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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