Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
