Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
