I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Boobs are out for the taking
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
