You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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