I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
