So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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