my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
