you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize