I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
