3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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