I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
