So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
