I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Be still, my beating vagina.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
