I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
