I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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