is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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