4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
