Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
