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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
