I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
