you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize