I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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