Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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