don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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