I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
