Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize