I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
