I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we're making bets on your personal life
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
