He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
