why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
