Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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