32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
